Have.

 i awoke this morning tired, flustered about the amount of times the alarms sang about the house during the long morning of people leaving for work. today's morning voices didn't seem very quiet either. they were loud, as a matter of fact, insanely loud. 

i forcefully opened my tired eyes and sat up to better hear what was going on. and quite frankly, i never came to a conclusion. i wrapped my white comforter around my self and walked over to my sister's bed by the window. sun pouring in, i opened my bible to Matthew. and read. i usually only read one chapter, but this morning i read five. i found myself so overwhelmed by our saviors love.

so thankful for the things he did.

i have been thinking about His story. most days feeling numb to it, empty, having that feeling of "how could this be real?" but today, while reading, i was struck with its realness. i was so grateful for his grace and selflessness. i was almost crying.

sitting on my sisters bed, my hair wrapped into a messy bun, the book of Matthew opened, i found myself being insanely thankful. it was the kind of thankfulness we could all use a little more of. not really the "thank you for this piece of chocolate cake, can i have some more please?" but the "why did it take me so long to realize how awesome you are?" that kind of thankfulness. i was reminded of how awe struck our Lord really is.

i read a post by a girl named staci the other day. she said,

"Gratitude comes easily to me lately, during a season in life where few other virtues come easily, if at all."

i was stumped that day, because lately, i've been feeling the complete opposite before today. i like to think gratefulness comes easy to me a lot of the time. but honestly, it doesn't.

and thus, God has been showing me i need to make life less about me and more about others.
through little steps and mess-ups, the Lord has been good to show me those things. i can honestly say, i am learning somethings at a slow pace. aka - thankfulness.
but i am learning. and thanking Him. and falling. and thanking Him all over again.