limp

god has been taking some serious time to work on me lately. i have been in a constant state of struggling with the simplest aspects of my faith. and its been killing me.

i was waiting for my last class of the day to begin. sitting on a bench, eating my homemade bread as i read through my valentines again. i thought my heart was happy.
an older woman straggled out of one of the doors. she had a walker. every step she took she would drag her left foot behind herself. it took her three times as long as it would take anyone else to go from her classroom to the exit. i held two doors open for her just days before, but i never really thought about how slow she was going because the way she was smiling at me. she called me a 'clever thing' as i leaned towards the second door to press the handicapped button for her. she smiled and gave a sincere thank you. but as i watched her go from door to door at her slow pace yesterday, exclaiming thank yous and smiling at every person holding them open for her, i thought she's in no rush. why do i go through my days so quickly?
it was almost as if i saw her leg being dragged behind herself was a gift. that woman struggling to go five feet was everything i wanted to be in the last five days. she had patience, and thankfulness, she was kind, and took  all the time she needed to get from one place to the next. no rushing.
i remember getting in the car yesterday morning and my first thought being to myself, "mandy, you'll get through the day. just plow through it. the weekend is coming dear." lately i've had the mindset of 'tuesdays and thursdays aren't days to reminisce or enjoy.' i've been in a constant state of hurrying to get this or that done.

god has brought much peace to my heart tonight, so that i can enjoy my days. i can be patient, and grateful, and take time to say my thank yous as i myself straggle through the days of the week. i am so in awe of our awesome god.
it's as if my heart is saying, "oh. that's what you are trying to teach me."