Have.

 i awoke this morning tired, flustered about the amount of times the alarms sang about the house during the long morning of people leaving for work. today's morning voices didn't seem very quiet either. they were loud, as a matter of fact, insanely loud. 

i forcefully opened my tired eyes and sat up to better hear what was going on. and quite frankly, i never came to a conclusion. i wrapped my white comforter around my self and walked over to my sister's bed by the window. sun pouring in, i opened my bible to Matthew. and read. i usually only read one chapter, but this morning i read five. i found myself so overwhelmed by our saviors love.

so thankful for the things he did.

i have been thinking about His story. most days feeling numb to it, empty, having that feeling of "how could this be real?" but today, while reading, i was struck with its realness. i was so grateful for his grace and selflessness. i was almost crying.

sitting on my sisters bed, my hair wrapped into a messy bun, the book of Matthew opened, i found myself being insanely thankful. it was the kind of thankfulness we could all use a little more of. not really the "thank you for this piece of chocolate cake, can i have some more please?" but the "why did it take me so long to realize how awesome you are?" that kind of thankfulness. i was reminded of how awe struck our Lord really is.

i read a post by a girl named staci the other day. she said,

"Gratitude comes easily to me lately, during a season in life where few other virtues come easily, if at all."

i was stumped that day, because lately, i've been feeling the complete opposite before today. i like to think gratefulness comes easy to me a lot of the time. but honestly, it doesn't.

and thus, God has been showing me i need to make life less about me and more about others.
through little steps and mess-ups, the Lord has been good to show me those things. i can honestly say, i am learning somethings at a slow pace. aka - thankfulness.
but i am learning. and thanking Him. and falling. and thanking Him all over again.

"Your testimonies are my heritage forever, for they are the joy of my heart." Psalm 119:116

His Child

sinner, saved by grace, and a daughter of the Most High King.

BOY

i have been listening to boy.

i think i will go put a skirt on

and make a cake.

that sounds like a worth while saturday to me.

caught in grace like an avalanche.

"Like" vs. "Love"

i am not.

i was watching a show with my little brother yesterday. "Bones", mind you. sometimes all i want to do is watch well dressed men catch bad guys. but yesterdays show, agent(yea..i did just say that) 'Boothe' said something that i actually liked, a lot. as a matter of fact, loved.
"You Aren't Special."
it got me thinking. it's true. we aren't. you aren't. i'm not.
people are so concerned with being special it's like we all revolve around the very word. in schools, we are taught we are special. at home, we are taught we are special. almost anyone would tell you that you are special just to make you feel good or better about yourself. but the truth is, we aren't. i'm not anymore special than any one person on earth with the cruelest heart towards god. i'm not special at all.
i've been thinking about this a lot lately. god didn't choose us because we are smart, or have some great idea that is gonna make the world a better place. and he definitely didn't choose us cause of our good looks or sense of humor. he chose us because of our unloveliness. our cruel hearts.
i finished reading hosea last week. it's one of my favourite stories, and it kind of puts the whole unlovely thing into perspective for me. God told hosea to marry gomer. she was a woman with a past, an unlovely one too. but he married her anyway. she would go astray, and when god told hosea, "go, again, and love that woman" hosea went. he didn't make her pay, he did.
it's just like us. we are the bride of christ. all our burdens, and heartaches, everything ever thought to be so unlovely, god took and made beautiful. he paid for our wicked hearts. that's pretty amazing to think about. what qualifies us is not our loveliness, it's his love that makes us lovely.

i guess the reality is, the only reason that we are special, if at all, is because we are so unlovely. it's important to remember he doesn't need us at all. he brought you to life, he deserves your soul. not the other way around.

Gratitude post coming up.

the moment

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?

Pam: Yeah: "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your deskmate Dwight."

Jim: That's when I knew. You?

Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat is expired."

Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?

Pam: Yep.

Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?

Pam: Nope.

he's mine.

he's gonna marry some ravishing little lady when he's older. but right now, he's just mine. all mine.

i just want to make art, drink tea, and find a boy that likes me enough to kiss my face.

the lately according to instagram:

 .sunrises.

.grocery shopping in the morning.

.striped skirts.

 .keeping busy with creativity.

 .hair bows and green eyes.

.Heinrich Heine.

if i don't blog in the next 48 hours, it probably means i'm dead.

winter term. o golly.

my saturday: the one with the girl in a floral printed skirt, drinking peach-apricot tea, while writing letters to her future husband.

 it was a lovely sunday. honestly, i wasn't expecting it to be so lovely. it almost felt like winter was skipped right over and spring had arrived with the sun shining thus bright. i wore my floral skirt to church and finished 'Hosea' in the morning. i ate breakfast out of my homemade ceramics bowl miss bella gave to me during the holidays.
god has been teaching me an abundance of things lately. i am so thankful and in awe of it all. he's been showing me patience and the bigger picture. the one that's not always so easy to see. not to mention i'm falling head over heals for the book of Hosea. it's pretty romantic if you ask me.
i ended my day with letters to my husband and lists of what i wanted in my house. dreaming of copper kettles and big, sunlit kitchens.
i'm off to bed.

happy week.

truths

It wasn't because you were great,

it was because you were nothing that God chose you.

what are you doing new years eve?

lots to tell.
just you wait.